Standing up with grace

Do not look back or grieve over the past for it is gone,

and do not be troubled about the future for it has yet to come.
Live in the present and make it so beautiful
that it will be worth remembering.
-IDA Scott Taylor

Spent most of my time last week reminiscing... call it a long walk down memory lane. Supposed to be a pretty one, but the feeling was kinda dreadful. For months I’ve been trying to put up a face to everyone, including myself… a façade convincing them that I’m perfectly fine, that I’ve gotten over it, and that I’m absolutely H A P P Y. When truth is... I'm not and I haven't entirely moved on. (Barely even) Though I might have repeatedly said that I’ve already let go, and though I might have shrugged the idea of “him” in front of my friends and other people, still I cannot change the fact that deep inside I am still affected even by the mere mention of his name. (Who was I deceiving?!) I wanted to be strong in front of my friends. I wanted to set an example since most of them would turn to me for advice, but of course my actions showed otherwise. I was never a good pretender when it comes to my feelings. At times I’d be lost; totally blank, not wanting to do anything, not even wanting to go out with my friends. In short, I wanted to be alone and away from everyone; strangely not me that is. (I was that obvious!) bubbly lil me just turned emo emo emo. hehehe From ms. party organizer/weekend planner to drama queen. Unbelievable!! =| When asked out, they’d usually hear me say “I’m not in the mood, my heart’s not into it.” or how about that funny line which I blurted out a few times in the office. “Single but not ready to mingle” LOL I evidently needed to clear my brain out!! What was I thinking??!! hahaha But Thank God of course for friends who continuously bugged me, checked on me; people who did not just bombard me with messages and calls, but relentlessly dragged me out of my house with convoy pa!!! and though I didn’t seem appreciative that time… I tell you, it really did me good. (Thanks so much guys!!!)

Thinking over the weekend about this so called “past” I must say once again and this time FOR REAL… I’m letting go. I’ve accepted the fact that it’s over; that it ended a long time ago… and YES I have to stop holding on to things. (I really have to stress out on that!! hehe) Aside from giving me a lot of stress and doing me no good at all, this whole thing will only make me miss out on all the good or even better opportunities to come… and I don’t want that to happen. I absolutely want to be blessed more. ;) I had a lot of good memories with him. I do not have to hate just to forget. I have nothing against him and I don’t want to look for things to be mad about… I don’t want to be bitter. I have no reason to be one. I cannot avoid him forever; we both shouldn’t and just can’t. We were friends before this and we’ve been through a lot of things… and so in one of our talks we both wished happiness for each other and agreed not to be strangers to each other. (It was a good closure) We both didn’t want everything to be put into waste. Of course there’s no denying that we still both care for each other but that’s a diff. story. :) Whatever happened, it’s all in the past… and I need to stop blinding myself from it. The girl needs to move on. ;) Yes, I was terribly broken and lost... and it is inevitable that we all will be at some point in our lives but nonetheless it shouldn’t stop us from moving on. Sulking doesn’t do any good. I went through a lot of things and I learned a lot from it. Someone once told me… What doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger. Indeed it did. This is just one of them; this was something I had to go through to grow. ;) The “fall” doesn’t matter… it’s how you pick yourself up with dignity and grace that does. And besides I have a lot of things to be thankful about, that includes being blessed with a great family and a good set of friends. So, what’s there to be sorry for?! What's there to be sad and lonely about?! :) Plus of course I have something to look forward to, something to be reminded of… Before God gives his BEST, the devil brings out his "good." Now who isn't looking forward to have that?! ;D